Cottonwoods and Desert Willows

I love cottonwoods with their branches, like arms, lifted high -praising God with all their strength! They defy gravity and grow towards Him against all odds and trials! When I see them I rejoice and remember Gods command to rejoice with those who are rejoicing!

I want a desert willow tree in my yard because it's weeping branches sweeping downward in an act of mourning reminds me to mourn with those who are mourning. Their leaves obscure their trunks, just as the sad and broken cover their faces in their hands, as they grieve.

The two trees and the verse they remind me of has always been a secret mystery to me. How can God rejoice and mourn in the extremes I know He alone can see: amazing glorification of Him in the hearts of His people while horrible gut wrenching atrocities are committed against the weakest and most defensless innocents of those He lovingly and carefully created? Although I know He is Alpha and Omega, I just could never fully understand this aspect of omniscience. I resigned myself to not needing to conseptualize this about my Heavenly Father-- His grace was totally sufficient and I didn't need to know.

And then, while sitting on the floor between our kids' bedroom, Mike and I shared a moment with our children....

Ryan had just lied to us and we called him on it. He was embarrassed and angry that we had caught him. He writhed on the floor; unwilling to engage us in conversation. We were both completely calm despite his horrible behavior. We continued to try to talk him through what he had just done and why it was bad. At one point he literally ran away from us screaming and hid. We laughed quietly, while Mike pointed out that in his boyhood immaturity, Ryan had just done what all sinners do figuritively to God at some point in their lives!!

Eventually, we got Ryan back on track, but he still was in his own little misery. It hurt to see him in so much self-created pain. Pain, regardless of fault, hurts. And although we had to stand firm on this character issue: my heart broke for his momentary suffering.

Meanwhile, our baby daughter was prattling around us just as sweet and beautiful as ever. She was delighted in everything mundane. While still disciplining Ryan and allowing him to choose his own misery, we were also loving and delighting in Ryleigh and all of her discoveries. Back and forth we went: Laughing with Ryleigh, engaged in Ryan's suffering, being firm in our parental disapproval of Ryan's wrong-doing, giving Ryan the latitude to know his own misery, and then laughing with Ryleigh again. In the same moment, I could be happy with one and sad with the other without losing my parental perspective of the big picture of guiding them to maturity in Christ.

Then it hit me: Yes, I was experiencing a shadow of what God is currently experiencing. It is far smaller on the scale of eternity versus the finite-- but then I am only in His image afterall!! I am His shadow. I only know the finite. My experiences WILL be smaller. But that does not negate the validity of their truths.

I am humbled to have the God of the Universe so sweetly and gently minister to me. He truly is the God Who Sees Me: He knows my secret desires of my heart as well as my unasked questions. He is not offended: He loves me so much that He engages me! Me? Who am I? I am dust. I am nothing. And yet He loves me and teaches me. And ministers to me. His love gives this broken sinner value. I am forever thankful for His loving care !!!

Rejoicing in Him!

Kelley Hutta

Showers of Grace

So I was struggling with an issue.. one of those things were you wonder if God truly has forgiven you for it. So I was praying over this and wrestling about the truth and what it means to be forgiven when I know that I am when I had a... reminder..

While showering one morning, my husband handed me our one year old to rinse off. We were pressed for time and she really needed some freshening up after playing in the mud with her older brother. Clutching her to me, I watched as she marveled at the water rushing around her. She was fascinated and I loved watching her discover the sights, sounds, and sensations of water caressing her skin. Her wonder struck me. I realized that I needed to appreciate such mundane events as a daily shower. When I moved her under the water briefly to wet her hair, she immediately reached for me while blinking. Coming out from under the rushing water, her arms were stretched upward desperately looking for a way to cling to me. She seemed to be begging for a familiar touch and reassurance. Her face held an odd combination of emotions. She still had an expression of interest and fascination, but it was now also marked with fear and concern. She clearly did not understand what was happening and yet she authentically seemed to trust what I was doing to her.

So there I was hours later, praying to my Father. I knew he had forgiven me but I was still sorry. I was having a hard time believing His promise when suddenly I was my daughter in the moment described above: I was in my Father’s arms and I was being showered in His grace and mercy. It was amazing and wonderful; but totally unfamiliar. I trusted Him and yet I instinctively reached out for Him. No matter how strong I am, I cannot cling to Him enough to sustain and secure myself: only His beautiful and loving embrace can provide for me and protect me. Like my daughter, I am utterly dependent. Again, like my daughter, I am there blinking under the currents of grace and mercy. I am amazed by the promise of my Lord; fascinated by the wonder and beauty of it. I was surrounded by new sensations, new enlightenment, and true meekness. I did not understand what was happening and yet I authentically seemed to trust what God was doing to and for me.

Praise Him! To Him be all the Glory! Thank you Jesus!

Of Sunsets, Pollution, and Hearts

Last night I was marveling at the amazing sunset as I dragged our little red wagon of kiddos behind me. My young son and I were excited over each color we saw in the evening sky and shared our wonder with one another. We thanked God for the beauty He painted over our heads. I silently wondered if our neighbors, whom we were walking to meet, were appreciating the same dynamic masterpiece that we were or if they were too caught up in their conversation to notice. This prompted me to wonder how many other awesome displays of God’s sovereign beauty has been missed because my eyes were too absorbed in my own day to day problems and activities. I decided to enlighten my friends on the beauty above us when we arrived at the park.

However, thirty minutes later I was again dragging my little wagon, but this time I was walking home. I was shocked by how much the sky had changed in a matter of just a few moments! It was still beautiful but it was a darker beauty with deeper hues. I was stunned. And then it hit me, I hadn’t looked at the sky the entire time I was with my neighbors at the park! Not even an hour had passed since I had promised myself I would share my wonder of the sunset with them! It was just a matter of minutes from making such a promise before I promptly forgot. I was disgusted with my own fickleness.

Frustrated with my lack of focus, I quietly plodded along on my path. My brain was still turning over the whole issue when it occurred to me that I never stopped enjoying God’s handiwork even when I had completely forgotten His sunset.

I was enjoying meeting His children: my neighbors! Each of their hearts were like sunsets on display! I loved meeting them and learning all about them. They seemed to bloom as they shared their hearts and joys and even frustrations. Some hearts were like the beginning of the sunset; bright and brilliant: others were like the end of the sunset; deep and colorful. I am sure there even are hearts out there that are dark and gloomy.

All of God’s children are a sign of God’s love; He considers US His masterpieces! That is amazing! No wonder I was so captivated by the people before me. Their radiant beauty eclipsed the watercolor display in the heavens! Engaging with them and loving on them only further glorifies my Lord.

And yet the darkness grew as I continued my march towards home. Above me, the last rays of fuchsia pink and electric orange were retreating westward. They chased after the sun having lost their battle with the growing night sky. I remembered someone telling me that the sunsets have grown more colorful over the last hundred years due to the pollution in our atmosphere. I wondered over the validity of that statement as I potentially saw God’s poetry once again. How like our Sovereign Father to take our filth and turn it into a thing of beauty! Because of the love of Jesus, He is doing that to my heart as I breath. How amazing! How humbling! The God of the universe is shaping my dirty and sinful heart into a masterpiece that glorifies Him. I am not worthy.